- Your spouse sets up a private (separate) e-mail account that you knew nothing about.
- Your spouse suddenly spends a significant amount of time checking and answering their emails (almost obsessively).
- Your spouse suddenly deletes all emails from their account when they would regularly let them accumulate.
- Your spouse is quick to delete an email immediately after reading it then clearing out the “trash” to ensure it’s gone.
- Your spouse buys a cell phone on a separate account that you don’t have access to and doesn’t let you know about it (usually billed to their office or another location).
- Your spouse suddenly deletes all text messages/voicemails/call logs.
- You’re never allowed to check their phone, and they go to great lengths to make certain their cell is not answered by you.
- Your spouses phone never leaves their side.
- When they receive bizarre text messages from “friends” you’ve never heard of. These contacts are most likely ‘pretend’ names to cover up their true identity.
- Excessive internet usage, especially late at night.
- Your spouse is staying up late to “work” or “play a game” after you go to bed.
- When your spouse locks their computer or laptop with a passcode.
- Your spouse suddenly shuts down the computer when you walk into the room.
- Your spouse guards access to Facebook or other social media.
- Your spouse has sites such as “ashleymadison” or “adultfriendfinder” in their browser history, or they erase their history each night.
Please know that all of the data that your spouse erases from electronic devices has never truly been deleted.
Suspicious? Get Answers TODAY!
Finding out or having suspicions that you’ve been cheated on comes with high emotions, which are also accompanied by impulsive decisions. Tracy Schorn of Huffington Post Divorce says that, “The goal here, upon finding out that you’ve been cheated on, is to take back your power, maintain your dignity and not do anything homicidal.”
Read the following five principles highlighting what NOT to do if you find out you’ve been cheated on:
1. Do not confront the cheater without solid proof. This principle is key, especially since most cheaters will deny, deny, deny. That’s what we’re here for: evidence, solid proof, and peace of mind. When a cheater is presented with irrefutable evidence, there is nowhere else to run.
2. Never accept accountability for their cheating indiscretions. According to Schorn, “People cheat because they feel entitled to. Cheaters are 100 percent responsible for their decision to cheat.” Don’t let them put the blame on you, and never feel guilty for protecting yourself. There are hundreds of other options to proactively take control of your relationship if you’re unhappy. Cheating is not one of them.
3. Don’t give them any time to “decide.” “Have you heard the expression, don’t make anyone a priority who only makes you an option? You are not an option,” says Schorn. “You are their spouse. This is not a contest. They made a commitment to you. They don’t get to renegotiate the terms. Stalling for time, acting vague about how they intend to make this right, talking a good game and never coming through on the particulars — these are all ploys to keep them in the affair.” The cheater needs to decide NOW.
4. Do not beg. Do not allow the cheater to see that they are in the position of power. MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY. It is perfectly ok to cry and be upset and angry. Schorn says to let that anger “fuel you forward” and stand your ground.
5. Do not waste your time trying to fix them. Naturally, after discovering infidelity, Schorn says, “You’ll posit theories. You’ll deconstruct their family of origin issues. You’ll order a dozen infidelity books on Amazon. All this does is keep your energy focused on them. Not you. You only get to control yourself. So what do you want? Is this person someone you want to invest in? What is acceptable and unacceptable to you? And what are you going to do about it? If you’re so busy trying to uncode them, or predict what they’ll do next, or prevent them from doing some awful thing, you will just stay stuck. It doesn’t matter why they are how they are. You can’t fix it. You just get to fix you.”
Get the proof you need TODAY by contacting ICU Investigations. Suspicious? Get Answers.
Meagan McCrary, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags, composed the article “Infidelity Red Flags Confirmed By Real Women” (and the men who have experienced it), which highlights how women are more emotionally-driven in contrast to men when it comes to infidelity.
1. Diverting the guilt: Women who are cheating may project those feelings onto their significant others by accusing them of cheating. “My girlfriend of three years all of a sudden started questioning my every move,” said Mark, 28. “Turned out she had slept with another guy.”
2. Sudden change in appearance: According to Sara, 27, “I typically showed up for my business school classes in sweats, no makeup, hair in a bun. I had a boyfriend; what did I care? Then I developed a crush on a guy in one of my classes. Soon enough, I was spending an hour to get ready for school, swapping my ratty sweats for cute dresses.”
3. Sudden need of more space: 29-year-old Jeff says, “My ex told me she needed some space, then went off to hook up with someone else.”
4. Complaints about the lack of romance in your relationship: According to Leslie, 39, “I’m one of those women who craves romance, cuddling, flowers, love notes, the whole shebang. I’ve reminded him that there are other fish in the sea. No change. So when a guy in my office started paying all sorts of attention to me, I went with it.”
5. A new “best friend”: “After living together for three years, I knew the relationship was over when my ex started spending all of her free time––and all of the time we had to spend together––going to the clubs with a woman she met in her spin class,” says Chris, 27. Wingwoman? Maybe. Has she cheated yet? Not necessarily. But she’s enjoying what it feels like to be living the single life!
6. Staying out all night: 27-year-old Sara said, “I told my boyfriend I was going out for drinks with a colleague and would meet up with him later in the night. Then a guy I had a crush on from work showed up. Hours later, I called my boyfriend to say I was ‘too drunk’ and needed to sleep at my friend’s apartment; then I went home with the guy.”
7. The people closest to you tell you she’s cheating: For the most part, the people that are closest to you are looking out for your best interest, so when they take the time to reveal that your significant other may be or is cheating, you should listen. “I knew someone who had firsthand knowledge my girlfriend was cheating,” says 28-year-old Mark. “But I believed her when she said it was a lie, because nobody wants to believe the worst, no matter how obvious it may be.”
8. A sudden interest in your schedule: Rachel, 36, says “My ex-husband was an electrician, and his work schedule was different from day to day. Sometimes he would be home at noon, sometimes not till 8 at night. When I planned to meet up with my fling, I would always call him in the morning to see where he was going to be later that day.”
9. She gives every excuse in the book not to have sex: “We stopped sleeping together because she didn’t ‘feel as close to me’ as she used to,” says Mark. “I’m assuming now that this was because she was feeling closer to the other guy’s naked body.”
10. She could care less…about everything: Jen, 30, says this about her and her husband’s relationship; “After being married for five years, our screaming and fighting faded into a general tolerance for one another. I was tempted to cheat on a few occasions and even took a guy’s phone number. I was desperate for a little excitement.”
KNOW THE TRUTH before you confront your partner. Suspicious? Get Answers with ICU Investigations TODAY!
Huffington Post Divorce posted an article written by Sasha Brown-Worsham on CafeMom’s blog, The Stir, in which they conducted a survey asking women, “What are the signs that you are about to cheat?” What was it that made straying from their marriages an attractive idea?
Here are the five answers compiled in the survey of women who cheated on their spouse:
1. Sex life on the decline: According to Huffington Post, “A lot of the women said that between the stress of raising children and the stress of working, they were having sex less and less. Eventually, some guy caught their eye and boom! They were the cliched housewife sleeping with their personal trainers.”
2. You’ve only had sex with…him: An anonymous source answered with, “I was 24 when I got married to my husband just out of college. I never slept with anyone but him.” She thought maybe there was something else out there; she was curious. Brown-Worsham says, “This led to her being curious, and curiosity… well, it sometimes kills cats and other times it leads to affairs.”
3. Lack in compliments: Sometimes, you just need to feel appreciated for all of the things that you do. When you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for some time, the compliments decrease and you’re left feeling like you need more.
4. Revenge affair: Women could seek a revenge affair because their spouse cheated, or because they feel betrayed in other ways, such as one source whose, “husband was a gambler who left them in financial ruin.”
5. Just plain neglect: Busy, busy, busy. Everyone has responsibilities to care of at work, home, school, etc. After a while, we feel like it has been months, even years since we’ve gotten some attention. And another man might give her that attention she craves.
Katie Parsons for GalTime.com shares an article on Huffington Post, highlighting Daniel Gomez, private investigator and TV personality appearing on the show Cheaters, as he shares the differing telltale signs of cheating between men and women.
How to tell that HE is cheating:
1. Decrease in sex drive. When a man is interested sexually in another person (or committing the act itself), his desire for his spouse or significant other may decrease.
2. Paying attention to appearance. More time spent at the gym, brand new clothes, and an overall change in the interest of his appearance.
3. Money unaccounted for. According to Gomez, “If there’s money in the household budget that is unaccounted for, it could point to cheating — particularly if it’s untraceable through credit or debit card records.”
4. Cell phone paranoia. A man that suddenly keeps a tight grip on his phone, or adds a password to keep intruders out, may be hiding private conversations with an extramarital partner.
5. Car changes. Gomez warns to look for “unaccounted mileage, receipts or belongings in a man’s car. Another red flag: a passenger seat moved to a different position.”
How to tell that SHE is cheating:
1. Girl time. While men try to cover their tracks after the fact, women worry more about the back story. A common sign that Gomez sees of cheating women is when they suddenly are spending more time with their girlfriends (or just saying they are). “I’ve even seen people stopping at a girlfriend’s house at the end of a date and then posting pics of them together on Facebook,” says Gomez. “Maybe they see the friend for 10 minutes only, but they work hard to make it look like they’ve been with that person the whole time.”
2. Increase in exercise. Gomez says that while men tend to focus on their overall appearance, women focus mostly on the gym. The gym allows her to work to look her best for a new man and could double as a meet-up place.
3. Unknown email accounts. A man would just delete his emails. A woman is more likely to create an entirely new account to solely communicate with a love interest.
4. Girls nights out. If these outings are out of the ordinary, and becoming increasingly frequent, she could be on the prowl.
Men react. Women plan. One thing is for sure; the best way to prove your suspicions is to hire the help of a private investigator to collect the evidence for you. Because, according to Gomez, “Without evidence, you can’t prove it. And you may cause him or her to be even more cautious about their cheating. Once the person knows you’re onto him or her, that makes it harder for you, and investigators like me, to find the proof.”
Suspicious? Get Answers TODAY with ICU Investigations. Call for your free consultation.