As private investigators, we have stressed one hundred times over, and one hundred times again, that your personal information will ALWAYS be at risk in the cyber world. Every little bit of information you put out there, can, and most likely will, come back to you. And in the case of Ashley Madison’s newest data breach, cheaters worldwide are beginning to sweat as the hacker group “Impact Team” has gotten a hold of 37 million account holders’ names, addresses, among other personal information. They’re threatening to release names and personal preferences of its users unless the site shuts down.
According to Danny Yardon of the Wall Street Journal, “‘Impact Team’ released the identities of some purported Ashley Madison users Sunday night, no new data was released Monday and the site remained operational.”
In light of the recent breach, we can’t help but wonder how many of Ashley Madison’s users will delete their accounts in hopes that all of their information and communication with other users will be erased…unsuccessfully? According to the hacker(s) in a message sent to computer security blogger, Brian Krebs, Ashley Madison is misleading users about the data that is actually being collected.
Yardon writes, “For $19, the company offers a service called “Full Delete” for departing customers that will remove things like a profile from the site, any messages a user has sent or received, photos and usage history. The hackers allege that since users pay for this service with a credit card, the site maintains records that those users were customers.” The hackers are threatening to release these records.
But Ashley Madison’s parent company, Avid Life Media Inc., maintains the following: “Contrary to current media reports, and based on accusations posted online by a cyber criminal, the ‘paid-delete’ option offered by AshleyMadison.com does in fact remove all information related to a member’s profile and communications activity.”
…We think it’s a little too late for that.
Suspicious that your wife or girlfriend may be cheating? Take a look at the behavior changes listed below, posted on AskMen.com, and decide for yourself.
1. Newly independent
Some women thrive off of your constant company. You have to accompany her to the grocery store, to the gym, and you must hold hands when you cross the street. She’s overly needy. But if you’re suddenly starting to notice that she doesn’t need your company any longer, raise that red flag. This is probably not a case of “she needs some alone time.” This may be a case of “someone else is filling your shoes.”
2. She lets you get away with everything
Let’s face it. Men screw up. You forget to meet her for lunch and you bail on hanging out with her to spend some time with the guys…and these things make her angry. But now, if you’re noticing that all of your mistakes are met with acceptance instead of frustration, it could simply be because she no longer cares…but why doesn’t she care anymore?
3. Quiet and secretive
She couldn’t wait to get home and tell you all about her day and what happened at work and who she ran into on her lunch break at the café down the street. And just like that, she stops sharing her daily events with you and could care less about volunteering any information about her life. Maybe she’s realized that you don’t really care to hear about it and she doesn’t want to waste her breath any longer, but our guess is that she doesn’t want to tell you want she’s been doing all day.
4. Focus turns to you
She used to love answering your questions about her whereabouts and activities. But now, when you do ask her questions, she turns the tables on you. She asks how YOUR night was and what YOU did, instead of chatting you up about every last detail. She’s purposely taking the focus off of her.
Now that she’s making sure ALL of the focus is on you, you’re showered with compliments, date invites, “I love you” cards (just because), she cut the grass, and she’s watching football….? While it may feel like she just turned into the best girlfriend or wife on planet earth, be careful what you wish for. It’s this kind of overcompensating behavior that should ultimately raise your suspicions.
What should you do after you spot the signs you have a cheating wife?
Get ANSWERS with ICU Investigations.
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We typically talk about the most obvious reasons that people are unfaithful to their partners, such as lack of sex, lack of emotional support, revenge, among plenty others. This time around, we want to highlight another reason that people cheat according to psychotherapist and sexuality and relationships expert, Esther Perel.
At a recent TED Conference, Perel noted a much deeper explanation (not a one-size-fits-all explanation, by any means) for stepping out on your marriage. She said that, “people who cheat often believe in monogamy, but they find their values and behavior in conflict when they actually have an affair. That’s because cheating isn’t necessarily about sex or even a person’s partner — it’s about a more complex desire. When we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t always our partner that we are turning away from, but the person that we have ourselves become.” Interesting.
The cheater’s focus seems to not be on finding another partner, but another identity, perhaps?
Perel adds, “And it isn’t so much as we are looking for another person as much as we are looking for another self.”
Learning of medical issues, experiencing a death in the family, even unexpected career changes or job loss can be huge blows and often traumatic experiences as we navigate through life. Perel notes that these situations often led her clients to cheat and not necessarily problems in their relationships. They are looking for something more to life, because they’re having a hard time with the realization that “This is it.”
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According to an article by Carolyn Gregoire on Huffington Post, research shows that both men and women are more likely to cheat on their spouse if they are financially dependent on them.
Christin Munsch, one of the study’s authors and a sociologist at the University of Connecticut, notes the findings of the study that includes 10 years of data of 2,750 married people:
• There’s a 5% chance that financially dependent women will cheat on their spouse
• There’s a 15% chance that financially dependent men will cheat on their spouse
• The people who were most likely to cheat were men who were 100% financially dependent on their partners
• Women who are responsible for 100% of the earnings in the marriage are the least likely to have affairs
• When men make more than 70% of the household income, they become more likely to cheat
The study sheds light on a man’s struggle with financial dependency. It may make him feel less masculine, or less of a man, if he is not contributing financially to the relationship.
According to Munsch, “There is something about masculinity and cultural norms about breadwinning that make men especially unhappy in these kinds of financial situations.” This, in turn, may lead to infidelity in order to make up for the lost masculinity.
Either way, researchers agree that a marriages are more stable with both partners financially contribute.
According to an article on www.inquisitr.com, scientists have discovered a connection between women’s cheating susceptibility and a specific gene.
The lead researcher in the study, Brendan Zietsch from the University of Queensland in Australia notes that, “Isolating specific genes is more difficult because thousands of genes influence any behavior and the effect of any individual gene is tiny. But we did find tentative evidence for a specific gene influencing infidelity in women.”
Many factors and emotions, such as empathy, trust, and sexual bonding, contribute to having an affair. Women have a specific gene that allows them to feel these emotions, which are identical to the emotions felt when experiencing “love.” It only makes sense that the same gene allowing women to feel these emotions is also the gene that would effect sexual behavior; the vasopressin receptor gene.
According to researchers, “When vasopressin gets involved with other ‘feel good’ hormones like dopamine and oxytocin, women are helpless and easily succumb to cheating. Interestingly, the very same phenomenon was observed between two closely related, but genetically different species of rodents, one of which was monogamous, while the other was highly sexually promiscuous.”
Studies such as the one mentioned above also demonstrate that sex is not only for the sole purpose of procreation, but reward and pleasure (which may also produce serial cheaters after they’ve experienced an affair).