The Infidelity Investigator

Archive for the ‘Facts’ Category

It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals in the United States will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.

Looking at Divorce – Through the Eyes of a Child

CHILDREN ARE DISILLUSIONED
For better or worse children look to adults to help make sense of the world they live in. Unfortunately, from the child’s vantagepoint much of what they are taught defies understanding. It is clear to the youngest children that what adults say is appropriate behavior bears little resemblance to what adults actually do. Children are keen observers. They see famous men who lie and still hold high office, adults who cheat and yet avoid being caught, and adults who kill in the name of religion. They are all too aware of adults who create problems and neglect to solve them, and adults who abuse themselves, or others, but who are nevertheless heralded as heroes or superstars. In this hypocritical social environment it is not surprising that those children who not only experience questionable adult behavior at a distance, but also close-up in their own families, are the children who are most at risk for growing up feeling alienated, angry and distrustful of the adult world.

WHO TO BLAME? – PARENTS?

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When you make a promise to love, honor and cherish another person, the faithfulness implied doesn’t have a thing to do with money. Still, according to Long Beach, Calif., psychotherapist Tina Tessina, also known as Dr. Romance, money is one of three things along with sex and kids that cause the most arguments in a marriage.

Tessina, who has written a book on the topic, says if you’re not careful, lying to your partner about money-known as FINANCIAL INFIDELITY-can end up making your marriage miserable. And in today’s tumultuous economic times, losing your trust in your partner’s ability to handle money can be an even tougher pill to swallow.

Unfortunately, trust is not something that all married couples have when it comes to their money. According to a 2007 survey by online payment company, PayPal, 82 percent of those who were interviewed said they lied to their spouses about shopping purchases. A majority of those surveyed said their spouse was using money to control their relationship.

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Internet Infidelity

The most frequent signs of Internet Infidelity include excessive time online especially when you are not around, Instant Messengers, email accounts that you do not have access to, closing or shutting down the computer when you approach, positioning the computer so that no one can easily view the monitor. The history and temporary Internet files are deleted after each use. Large amounts of time spent in chat rooms and instant messengers.

The most significant sign you can have is a GUT feeling about what your spouse is doing online. You can take an average person who is committed to his or her family and find them readily sucked into the allure of the Internet. It is a powerful and hypnotic escape from the reality of bill paying and responsibilities.

If you are experiencing the gut feeling about  your spouse or mate, the most important thing you can do at this time is to keep your suspicions to yourself. Do not say anything to them to alert them of your suspicion. This will only cause them to become more secretive about what it is they do online or in real life.

The bottom line of checking into your spouse’s activities is that you may find the one thing you thought you could never survive infidelity and pornography. You have to be prepared to deal with what you find emotionally or you will tip your hand before you have all the information ou need to confront your spouse.

Start a journal or log of events including dates and times. When someone becomes addicted or compulsive about a behavior, they tend to lie extensively to cover up their shame. They may try to convince you that you are crazy or you do not know what you are talking about.

The difference between knowing or not knowing may save your family or your life. Pornography addiction has been proven to cause people to engage in high risk activities that may expose them to diseases such as AIDS.

Cheating on the Internet implies getting in contact with another person or persons through different methods. The initial contact will be usually made by chat or email, which immediately will evolve into a chat conversation. Once in communication through one of the hundreds of chat software programs available any kind of information can be exchanged between the tow persons like text, images, sounds and even live video.

The places where people can meet on the Internet are thousands and they can be classified into the following categories:

Chat rooms, friend networks, direct contact through chat profiles, sites to match couples.

When people start getting acquainted with the other people through those chat conversations they will start to share their problems, likes and dislikes, getting an enormous amount of sympathy from the other person. This person is the ideal receptor letting us to say whatever we want without questioning it and usually agrees with our point of view. That sympathy will turn into affection afterwards and if the relationship for sometime, sooner or later one of the persons will ask the other to meet somewhere to know each other.

It is important to understand that not everyone who chats or even meets in real life are cheaters. The Internet is a great resource and we all are responsible on how we use it.

There are several ways to catch her if your spouse is having a cyber-affair. he most sure-fire way is to directly monitor their computer.

If you have any questions or would like further information regarding this blog or just need some advise and or services feel free to contact us.

We can help!!!!!

 Article Source: http://www.topicnow.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=C_Caldwell

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU’VE LEARNED YOUR SPOUSE IS UNFAITHFUL

You have just realized your spouse other has been unfaithful and cheated on you. The news of the infidelity has hit you like a ton of bricks.

You have hope that your relationship can survive your spouse cheating on you, however you feel ill to your stomach whenever you think about the affair. Here are some tips to get beyond the hurt, learn how to forgive and save your marriage.

Don’t make any major decisions about ending your marriage now just     because your spouse has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognised.

Feelings are neither wrong or right, accept that your feelings, of uncertainty, shock, fear, pain, depression and confusion about having an unfaithful spouse are normal.

Take care of yourself, you may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating and not wanting to eat or you may binge eat.

Balance is the key to getting through this. Force yourself to eat healthy foods, stay on a schedule, sleep your regular hours, exercise each day and try to have some fun.

It’s okay and healthy to laugh. Watch some funny movies/TV shows. Spend time with people who make you smile and laugh. Remember life goes on in spite of heartache and unfaithful spouses.

Tears are healthy too, if you cant cry naturally put on some sad music or watch a sad movie.

Begin a journal, start writing all your thoughts down about your spouse’s unfaithfulness.

Ask all the questions you want. Talk to your spouse about the infidelity, ask questions.

Seek counseling, don’t go through this alone.

Take it one day at a time, don’t rush,

If children are involved they need to know you are going to be okay. You can’t hide the fact that you are going through trauma, be honest, but don’t weigh them down with details about how your spouse cheated on you.

Try not to get in the blaming game over who or what caused the infidelity, it’s a waist of energy.

Get practical, start looking at your finances, housing situation, transportation, etc. If you decide to end your marriage make sure you have thought out where you will live, do you have enough money to pay for your essentials, etc…

There is no simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. You may never truly know why it happened.

Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier, such as was it a one night stand or an affair?, A sexual addiction or an act of retaliation.

Remember your marriage has changed, it doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be renewed and strengthened, because it can. But it will be different.

Think twice before you tell your family or your spouse’s family. Family members can often hold grudges.

Willingness to forgive, this takes time, but if you and your spouse want your marriage to work, it can it just takes time.

If you have any questions or would like further information regarding this blog please or just need some advise and or services feel free to contact us.

We can help!!!!!